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Can't afford to lose now, can't win the future. Your kid needs the right“Win or lose” attitude

2023-02-28 04:18:34

Caring about children's knowledge and skills is very important, but the development of children can win or lose, optimistic healthy attitude will benefit children for life.

A child who has never lost will never know what it's like to win.


Go belongs to competitive games, since it is competitive, it must be divided into a win or lose. However, children learn go, the most difficult is to win or lose.

Remember Lil Hao students just learn to eat son stage, I and Hao Dad at Home Sparring, although not very understand, but also enough to deal with. At first, he was happy, but he was so happy after winning. When he lost, he would throw away the Chess Pieces and lose his temper. “It's really boring. I'm not playing anymore.” Or, he would hide to the side and shed tears. Always like this other people will be upset, sometimes Hao's father is also upset, he would say, “Man, if you lose, you'll cry. How can you not be able to afford to lose?” Sometimes, I would also say, “If you lose, you'll lose. What's The Big Deal?” Facing such a situation, he was really helpless, are We gonna let him win, or are we gonna do this the right way?

This question has been bothering me, so go to the internet for help, search“Children can not afford to lose how to do” unexpectedly got 733,000 results, you can imagine how many parents confused and confused.

Today's children are born in honeypots, surrounded by all kinds of meticulous love and care, children's hearts have long been built into a "glass heart" that can be viewed from afar and cannot be played with, and they are accidentally broken.

When the child loses, he cries and makes a fuss, and the parents are accommodating and deliberately let the child.I don't know if the child wins for a while, but he can't win a lifetime.Life is so long, how long can we protect them? One day, children will leave their parents and go to the outside world, full of challenges and competition, and relentless.

The child loses has the emotion, in the psychological angle this is very normal. Want to win, is human nature, from ape to human evolution, every step is survival of the fittest. Children have no pressure to survive, but they know that if they win, they will be praised by teachers, parents praise, will get prizes, people will only shout for the winner, and ignore the loser. Empathy? Isn't that what we adults do?

When the child has emotions, we should not blame, let him slowly release the emotions, and when the emotions have calmed down, then talk to him: Mom can feel your feelings, but we have to follow the rules, don't we? Will other students in the chess academy let you? He shook his head.Yes, losing is losing, people winning is people winning, we must accept this fact, this result, you cry and make trouble, nothing can change, right? Nodded.Besides, you see Kejie, people play tennis chess more than 1,000 games a year, so they don't win every time? Came to the spirit, glared and said: Kejie all lost? Of course, every successful person comes from failure first, and the key is that Kejie was not defeated, but chose to continue to challenge.Uh-huh. Sometimes Hao's father and I would tell him about our own failures and those around us.Let him understand that everyone's present is coming from constantly defeating failure.

Finally, I and Hao father reached an agreement, at home to play chess, never allow! Let him have the spirit to lose. Later, at home and Hao Father Play Chess, lost, he took the initiative to say: Good, you won, I lost. It seems that he has gradually learned to accept the result of“Losing”.

If a child can only feel the superiority of "winning" from an early age and has never felt defeat, then he will grow up and will have great frustration when facing loss.Let the child really feel "losing" as soon as possible, and correctly guide him to face "loss" correctly and deal with "loss", so that he will become better in the future.Most importantly, he learned to "admit that he lost, recognize others to win", making his heart more open-minded, which is also an ability.

Xiao Hao is a shy child by nature, calm in appearance, not good at words, and meticulous in playing chess, and the teachers praise him for his good chess style.But the problem is, usually practice chess very well, but as soon as the official game comes, you lose.After the game I asked him: Are you nervous? He just replied: not nervous.But during the game, the teacher also observed that once the middle set was a little unstable, the tip of the nose began to sweat, and the thinking was not clear, and it was impossible to calculate.It was like this every time we played, so much so that we played three times in a section.This time it hit him a lot, and he also wanted to give up at one point and was unwilling to learn chess again.

Perhaps some parents give up at this juncture, the children's efforts for several years also go down the drain. My point of view is that even if a child really wants to give up, he has to get over it before he can give up. Give up is really too easy, can not let him form inertia, anything can be so easily given up. In fact, as long as the persistence, when he beat himself, often also found fun. Persistence is a valuable habit learned in go. No one can decide who wins or loses until the last moment.

So, I and the teacher to do guidance work, while encouraging, while improving skills, while forming a daily chess, each copy of the habit of writing summary. Fourth grade, and sometimes more homework, will do some dead or alive questions, time on the next to two games of chess, or their own set chess play spectrum. Gratified is that now I do not have to urge, their homework will be taken the initiative to do. Every time I see Lil Hao's summary, coupled with those who can not understand the technical terms, I feel that my son is very knowledgeable, Haha.

A few days ago, the teacher also praised Lil Hao students during this period of great progress, good chess style, solid basic knowledge, and more efforts will be very good results. The mother, of course, was overjoyed. But I think the process of growth is more important than the results. On the road to winning, there are a lot of losses to go through. How you accept the loss, is the true meaning of life.

The world's oil tycoon Rockefeller wrote in "38 Letters to His Son": "Dream failure challenge = the way to success."When asked by reporters, Edison said: Young man, your life journey has just begun, so I will tell you a revelation that will be very helpful for your future, I have not failed ten thousand times, I just invented ten thousand methods that do not work.Failure is a learning experience that you can turn into a tombstone or a stepping stone."The sooner you accept the learning of failure, the more capital you have to challenge.

It takes practice to win or lose. And Go is really a good competitive practice. Go competitive rules, so that children have the right view of victory and defeat; go layout, so that children have the overall view of the overall situation in the chest; go long distance, exercise the child's thinking, concentration; Go review summary, so that children know how to adjust to do better; players of the game, so that children know how to respect and praise the opponent... ? ... can afford to lose, do not give up, structure, thinking, focus, recovery, summary, praise, which is not the ability we need under today's society. ? These treasures are children's lifelong treasure.

As parents, do we also have a correct view of winning and losing? Know that your emotions can be contagious to your child.Sometimes we should learn to let go and give children the opportunity to experience failure, you don't give this opportunity, is it loving children?


Caring about children's knowledge and skills is very important, but the development of children can win or lose, optimistic healthy attitude will benefit children for life.


Believe that every child came into the world, with his own talent and mission, they have their own rhythm, we just have to calm down and wait for the flowers to bloom.