At noon a few days ago, one of my girlfriends suddenly sent me a message asking if you could talk to me.

Her serious tone made me feel like something big was going to happen.

Sure enough, she opened her mouth and told me that she was not happy.

My best friend is a post-90s.

In front of people younger than me, I like to rely on the old and sell the old, and naively think that they should still be at the age of "teenagers who don't know what it's like".What's more, my friend, although young, his work ability has been affirmed by their leaders, and he has been promoted early, and he has won a boyfriend.

If she hadn't been my best friend, I would really be envious and jealous.

However, she told me that she was not happy.

我人性阴暗的那一面在偷偷窃喜，哈哈，原来这世上不止我一个人不幸福。

Then, I am not alone.

Suddenly, I was much happier.

The little girl asked me, how to deal with the "white lotus" if I encounter it in the workplace? Because of the "white lotus", she felt very insecure.

That day, we talked a lot, my so-called countermeasures is no countermeasures.

I'm sure after talking to me, she was even more confused because the result I gave wasn't what she wanted.

The next day I went to another friend's house for dinner.

In her home, I frequently praise her new home, large area, very European decoration, I especially like her study, simple and generous design, bookcases store many books, open the window, outside is a sparkling lake.

我跟她说，每天开车下班回家，能坐在书房看会书，或者看落日在湖面闪烁着余晖，应该是件很幸福的事。

Unexpectedly, she said quietly that having a house and a car did not mean that she was happy. What she wanted most was for her husband to be able to eat Three Meals a Day with her and ask her how she was. She said that she was not materialistic at all, she was happier for her spiritual satisfaction.

I'd call her pretentious, but the food she cooked that day was just too good

After eating people's soft mouths, and eating satisfied, those words that were ready to hit her were swallowed back into my stomach.

过了两天，一大清早又有朋友给我发微信说，想离婚，原本以为结了婚自己有了家，从此就不孤独，可是结了婚以后，她更加没有归属感。

Her in-laws have never treated her as a relative, she is already an outsider in her mother's family, the child is waiting to be fed, but her husband acts like she has not yet been weaned.

我花了一个早晨，听她的各种抱怨，心里暗暗发誓，再有人跟我传递负能量，我得先收费，没准可以发家致富。

Too many people are having a bad time.

Really, in the afternoon, wechat has information tips, a sister asked me, I used to do surgery when the pain does not hurt.

I asked her what was wrong. She says she has health problems and may have to have an operation.

I quickly called over to comfort her.

When the floodgates are opened, the emotions get out of hand.

She said many people envied her for living a prosperous and elegant life.She is indeed beautiful in front of people, her son graduated from graduate school, her husband has a successful career, she drives luxury cars, lives in high-end communities, and will post her travel photos in the circle of friends every three to five.

Tell you that before I made this call, my ultimate goal in life was to live like her.

Nearly 50-year-old can put the cheongsam swaying posture, can not talk to a go on a walk on the trip, can flow in the music of Western restaurants and three or five friends to drink.

For me, life is enough.

当她说，她的病是因为自己的郁郁寡欢所致。

I began to think, why are women always prone to unhappiness?

Forget where is who said such a sentence, he said, “Unhappy”, “Insecurity” is probably all women have gynecological diseases.

老实说，头一次看到这句话，简直精辟得让我想把自己的膝盖送给作者。

So, when my friends talked to me about happiness, I immediately thought of what he said.

Again, I think so.

很多人会误解幸福的意义，以为获取幸福的方式是向外抓取自己想要的东西，名利，爱情，具体的物质，心理上的归属感。

I feel that with all this, I will be truly happy.

People who are insecure or unhappy have one thing in common: they don't want to take responsibility for all the problems in their lives, and they get into the habit of putting the right to be happy in the hands of others.

比如，小A。与其说她不喜欢职场有“白莲花”还不如说是她不喜欢那个人和她一样讨人喜欢，她更不喜欢，那个她认为的“白莲花”在职场上比她更能得到领导的赏识。

There is another explanation for this dislike, jealousy.

It's like taking a trip in your favorite car. When your car is driving on the highway, and there's a car of the same brand driving in front of you, your competitive spirit will drive you to pass it, and if you don't pass it, you'll think, he's on the line, he's not using his turn signal, he's speeding.

总之，他有违规，不然，不可能超过你。

Finding reasons for their own failures, shifting the responsibility to others, and spending a lot of thought to doubt, anger, and disappointment are the mentality shared by everyone in the workplace who is unwilling to take more action, but is willing to pay a lot of "expectations".

They will not admit that they are afraid of the white lotus flower in the workplace because they are not capable enough and have not fully developed themselves, so they are jealous of others who have taken the lead,

They don't tell themselves that they don't have to hold their emotions responsible for the actions of others, that it's up to others to do what they do, the worry mentality of eating salt radish light can only mean one thing: you are jealous of others will surpass you.

Some people say that there are many monsters in the workplace, and it is not denied that monsters have offensive power.However, the monster is actually only attacking people who may harm it.

Don't want to be attacked, first keep your heart simple, there is not so much inner drama between people, you are simple Your world is simple.

Second, when you are attacked, learn to cultivate your inner self and strengthen your internal strength.You drive your Volkswagen and you can't get used to other people's Volkswagen overtaking you, and if a sports car Lamborghini goes ahead of you, you can only hope for the dust.

Therefore, you want to attract attention, to have a sense of security in the workplace, a sense of achievement, you want to have not aggression, but your brand effect.

Because it's always easier to change yourself than others.

As for the other friends said the sense of belonging, I think it is not the problem of others.

I've heard a lot of complaints: my boyfriend is not considerate enough, not motivated enough, married, my husband just cares about her, doesn't have much time to accompany her, treats her not as well as when she got married, and complains about the family: parents never ask how much money she earns a month, don't ask if she's doing well, in-laws are careless with their children, and there are also complaints that friends contact whenever they have something...

有这些抱怨，是因为对他们有期望，有要求，希望身边的人能为为自己做些改变，因为这个期待没被满足，所以心中就会产生不满。

In fact, ask yourself, a lot of expectations are out of your own needs, not others.

尤其女人，不幸福是因为，容易陷入一种因果关系里。

Because I am your girlfriend, so you have to love me, spoil me, to meet all my requirements, or you are not enough love, I am not happy.

Because you are my husband, so you want to give me all the life I want, a happy woman, her husband should be able to earn money to support the family, but also be able to ask for help.

Because you are my parents, so, you have to be selfless dedication in front of me, you must love me unconditionally, considerate of me, I give you money is filial, you ask me to be excessive...

The question is, have you ever thought, whether it is a boyfriend, husband, parents, or friends, you have what is worth their indulgence, tolerance, pay, you why make everyone care about you?

By your tireless nagging, or your hysterical accusations, or your self-pitying grief?

On what basis do you think your emotions can kidnap everything?

You sell your feelings as a matter of two things, why can't others give them according to the value you give.

All Love Is Your Thing, your inner need, you need a man to feel whole, that's why you get a boyfriend, that's why you get married, that's why you need children to enrich your life, so you are willing to carry a child for ten months, you give parents money, is for your own peace of mind, you contact friends, because you are afraid of loneliness.

It is you who put the right to happiness in the hands of others, you are afraid to give your own actions to improve yourself, you are lazy and selfish, so you like to move your mouth and emotions, just unwilling to change yourself.

You choose to be a vine, to cling to a tree, you are doomed to worry, the tree can let you rely on how long.

You put their own emotions willingly projected on others, control in the hands of others, not for their own responsibility.

Then, at least you have to learn to convince yourself that you are a slave to good emotions, and you have to bow down and be a puppet for others, instead of being a bitch and yelling that no one will build a torii for you.

A lot of people's lives are like this: tangled, demented, anxious, confused, mediocre, hurried.

All too bad, not happy, not ashamed, all drunk.

We are all chasing the dust of the sun, rising or falling, most of the time choosing to follow the herd.

Only a few don't like it, and when they feel that life isn't what they want, they make internal changes and hold all their emotions firmly in their hands,

Like waiting for the autumn wind in summer,

Go with the flow, and constantly adjust.

Such a person, sooner or later will meet another happy self.