Day Vision

Reading Everyday,Extending Vision

Hang yourself

2023-02-28 03:58:04

Aunt Zhang first looked up at the jujube tree and the coal shed, and then slowly looked at me and said, "The fool died, just the year after you moved away, just like his father, hanged."

On the last day of the summer vacation of the third year of junior high school, there was a heavy rainstorm.The rain fell very hard, from last night until morning, without any intention of stopping.


I watch TV in the room, do not know who my father is talking to, anyway, not with my mother, my parents Cold War for half a month. My mother did not go out with my father during the day, nor to see my grandfather, just stay at home, sulking. Occasionally also angry on me, my father in the balcony to talk, my mother came to turn off the TV, said rainy day watching TV, easy to attract fireball.

Two People Cold War is because my grandfather, my grandfather is sick, cerebral thrombosis. He was not seriously ill at first and was discharged after a few days in the hospital. Since then my mother every few days to see my grandfather, to my grandfather clean up the house, and then to the door of Aunt Zhang sent some fruit, asked me aunt Zhang to help take care of my grandfather.

Recently, my mother tidied up the house and found my grandfather's socks, pillows, quilt covers, and there were sunflower seeds stuffed everywhere by my grandfather. My mother felt that my grandfather had become confused and might be seriously ill, so she discussed with my father to send my grandfather to a nursing home or to my home. My mom is in favor of sending him to a nursing home. My mom says that the nursing home is responsible for food and housing. It's only 500 a month, plus 200 for those who can't take care of themselves. Even though your dad is sick, he can move, calculate that half of him can't take care of himself. Bargaining can still be cheap, nursing home more lively, every day there are old men and women playing mahjong, playing poker, your father is not love to watch poker? Isn't that the right place to go?

My father was in favor of receiving my home, but he did not plan to take care of my father, saying that he usually let my mother take care of him, and let me take care of my mother on weekends.After my dad finished talking about his thoughts, my mom didn't speak, and the two began a cold war.

After a few hours on the balcony, my dad finally said to my mom, “When are you going to see Dad?”

My mom glared at my dad and said, "It's not our dad, it's your dad."”

My father did not answer, back to the house to call my grandfather, no answer, and went back to the balcony after smoking all the cigarettes said, “When the rain stopped, let's go to have a look.”

Before we could pass, Aunt Zhang's phone came first.She said to go to my grandfather's house to deliver food, but no one opened the door, should you come and take a look?

The heavy rain hasn't stopped. The rain is all over the road. The three of us waited in the rain for a while. We couldn't catch a taxi at all. There was a taxi willing to run but asking for 50. My dad said, “Fuck it, I'm done. I'll take you both on three wheels.”

My dad unloaded the pork, cutting board, and knife from the tricycle and put it in the warehouse for my mom and I to sit on.

My father pedaled his three-wheeled motorcycle and said, “Yuanyuan, is your grandfather Nice to you? Where do you agree to send your grandfather?”

My dad asked my mom again, "What is the body of Sister Zhang on the other side?" ”


Aunt Zhang is my grandfather's old neighbor.My father said that when he was studying, Aunt Zhang lived there, and after getting married, the house was rented out, and Aunt Zhang moved in with her husband.When my dad got married, after having me, Aunt Zhang led her husband and a silly teenage son back.A few years later, I never saw Aunt Zhang's husband again, and only the two of them lived together.


I remember that when I was a child, I also asked my father, why did Aunt Zhang's son become a fool?

My grandfather also said, fate is bitter, the mother is not easy.

I couldn't tell which fool he was, but my understanding was that he never did anything serious. The Fool was a dozen years older than I, and was supposed to be in school, but he didn't go to school and stayed at home.

Aunt Zhang cooked every morning, brought a red rope around the fool's neck, and hung the door key on the rope, and went to work.

Every morning I go to school, the Fool has just gone out, I come home from school, the Fool is just home, time is very regular, like clockwork. On weekends, idiot; Fool would look around the alley with a branch in his hand, and when he saw a big rock or rough road, he would stick the branch nearby, puff his cheeks, and use the key as a whistle.

The roads in the hutongs are unruly and potholed. A rain, one foot into the puddle, the next foot and kicked to the stone, the road debris floating with the rain everywhere. At this time, the fool these branches will come in handy, we all know that the branch is a mark, see all around away. Then the fool must appear on the roof, holding an umbrella, see someone around those branches, fool happy.


Later, I heard that the fool hit someone, Aunt Zhang put him in jail. The reason is that several times aunt Zhang cooking, the fool does not eat, the rice poured. Then squatting in the alley at the mouth of the garbage heap to pick up food, some enthusiastic neighbors said to the fool, “Pick up the things you can't eat, at night home diarrhea. Come, Auntie will take you to my home for dinner.” said to drag the fool away. The Fool looked up, smiled, and then suddenly pushed the neighbor down, the key also do not know where to throw.



Later, Aunt Zhang came to my house and asked my grandfather to take care of the fool.Give my grandfather 200 yuan a month, let my grandfather send a lunch, don't do anything specially, what we eat, just do a little more to send to the fool, if we have something at noon, send two buns to the fool.For this reason, Aunt Zhang also provided my grandfather with a key, and also tied a red rope and put it in my drawer.

My grandfather went out every day after breakfast and went to the park to watch people play poker and chess.My grandfather doesn't play by himself, just watch, look at the day, and then come back and tell us, who plays poker really stinks.But my grandfather promised Aunt Zhang that it would be difficult in the future, and my grandfather did not go out that day, so he pondered all morning, snorted a potato seed skin, and then called me out and asked me to come out and sweep the floor in the courtyard first.

I climbed down from the Kang and turned up the TV to the loudest so that I would know what was going on in the yard.

My grandfather handed me an aluminum lunch box and asked me to deliver it to the fool later. ” my grandfather said,” after you eat, the rest of the packed into this lunch box, the Fool to take over

The show says, “How dare you betray me, you woman.”

My grandfather said that there is his key in the cabinet, and if no one opens the door, you take the key and open the door yourself to enter.

The show said, “Don't come over, don't come near me, don't do this, Dao Ming Temple.”

My grandfather put on his hat and prepared to go outside, walked to the door, turned around and asked me, "What are you looking at?"”

I said, "Meteor Garden. ”

My grandfather didn't speak. He turned left and went to the river.

I opened the lunch box, which is my mother stewed good morning fish, which also put some eggplant, black, looks bad, in fact, taste good.

I knocked on the door of the Fool's house, there was a sound of the lock. The door opened a little and then closed again. I knocked a few more times when a pebble hit me on the top of my head. I looked up, the Fool is squatting on the roof, exposed half of the body, holding small stones, one by one to throw me over.

I said, "My grandfather asked me to come."”

The Fool kept his head down and looked for something to hit me with. After I saw the fool pick up the bigger stone, I ran away.

In the afternoon, my grandfather came back, picked up the lunch box, weighed it and asked me, “No?”

"I sent it, he didn't open the door and threw stones at me.I said.

My grandfather took me to the Fool's house, standing in the fool's door shouted, “Fool, Fool.”


My grandfather looked up and said to the fool, “Later she will bring you food, this is my granddaughter.”

The fool didn't seem to react, and squatted for a while before coming down from the roof, opening the door and saying, "I'm hungry."”

I ran back to the house, picked up the box lunch, casually picked up a doll, together to the fool.

The fool stuffed the rag doll into his clothes, crouched in the doorway, and asked me while eating, "What's your name?" ”

"Yuanyuan, how about you?" I asked.

The fool did not speak, and muttered a round sentence.

From then on, I made friends with the fool. Said that is the friend exaggerates a little, can only say the fool does not reject me. But every time I go to send food, the Fool is still very careful, the door first owe a small crack, mysteriously asked who I am, after I name, the fool scratched his head, thought for a while and said, then you come in.

It was my second grade primary school summer vacation, during the holidays, I gave the fool every day to send food, we eat what, the Fool to eat what.

After I delivered the meal, I was anxious to go back to see the TV series. I didn't even want to miss the opening song. I was anxious to see who the Chinese fir vegetable was with every day.

After watching the TV series halfway, I found that my grandfather had unplugged the antenna.My grandfather told my mother that at a young age, if you don't study well, what is it every day.

The afternoon when there was no drama, I went to the fool's house again.


I said, “No, I came to play with you.”

The fool stood in the doorway, looked into the yard behind the house, looked at me again and said, "I'm busy, don't make trouble."”

Fool's bungalow, there are two houses before and after, the middle of a small rectangular yard, the yard planted two jujube trees. A date tree was small, like a new sapling, planted on the corner of the house and the coal shed. Another jujube tree, it seems to have years, jujube branches out of the Fool's home, long to the neighbor yard. I heard from my grandfather that the idiot; Fool family had had a lot of arguments with their neighbors about the date tree, and the neighbors ate their dates without paying or saying thank you. The neighbor said, your jujube tree occupied my house, I have not yet tube you want money, two because of a jujube tree on the beam. The neighbor also said that the fool peeked at their children taking a bath, so the courtyard wall was high, also inserted a row of broken glass.

The Fool went to the back of the house, looking for a long time, took out a bicycle band cut into rubber bands, rubber bands wide and narrow, above there are traces of repair tire. He sat me down on a plastic stool with one end of the rubber band tied to a date tree and the other end tied to the stool I was sitting on. The rubber band he was jumping on was different from the one I was playing at school. It was like he was practicing some kind of martial arts. He'd say a line, turn around, step on the left rubber band, then say another line, turn around, jump on the right rubber band, and so on, he was sweating profusely.

"I want to play too." I said to the fool.

The Fool went into the house, looking for a long time, took out half a book, the cover incomplete, Yellow Pages.

The fool said, “You read this.”

I was flipping through my book, watching a fool jump a rubber band,

The fool wiped the sweat from his head and said, “Why don't you read?”

I said, “Some words do not know, there are pinyin I can read.”

The fool thought for a while, went back to the house, took out a small blackboard, and hung it on a tree.

The Fool took half a piece of chalk to write, 'grandfather died here, father died here, I will die here. 'Do you know them all? ' The Fool asked me.

"Some know, some don't.Do you read? I asked.

"Recognize." The fool then drew two circles on the blackboard and said, "Here's your name."”

“That's not how a circle is written,” I said. “Do you have a name? What's Your Name?”

“Seems to call day one, when I was a child my mother called me day one, then not called, also called me a fool.” The Fool said.

"Things from childhood, do you remember?" I asked.

The Fool ignored me, holding poetry, squatting on the ground, read up.

"What about your dad? Do you remember? I asked.

"Dead. Hanged. The fool said.

“Where did you hang yourself?”

The fool scratched his head, thought for a while and said, "I'll ask my mother later in the evening and tell you tomorrow."”

The Fool took the book and went back to his room. He didn't go out again, nor did he go to his room.

The next morning my parents pushed a tricycle to go out, said it was a new morning market opened nearby, two people to rob a stall early, after the morning to sell meat there.

At noon I went to bring food to the fool, and the door of the fool's house was open, he was not in the yard, picking dates on the roof.It is not yet the season to pick dates, and the dates are still green, hanging firmly on the branches, which is difficult to pick.The fool stretched out his two hands, held the branch with one hand, grabbed a date with the other, tasted it, and threw it away.I picked several dates, but I was not satisfied, so I climbed down the ladder.

“Yesterday my grandfather went to a relative's house and didn't come back,” I said, handing idiot; fool four large steamed buns stuffed with leeks. “There was no one to cook at home, only steamed buns. Why did you pick dates?”

The fool took a bite of the bun and said, "My dad wants to eat dates, let me pick some, I'll find him a sweet one."”



The fool pointed to the coal shed and said, that.

"No one?" I say.

"My dad is underground, you can't see."The fool said

"Is your dad really there?" I say.

"Well, by the way, my mom asked me to tell you that my dad was hanged and hung in the coal shed.The tongue sticks out and is scary.The fool continued. One night, my dad said he was hungry? My dad should be quite lonely, I can always hear him talking to me, I want this and that, once in the middle of the night he was hungry and asked me to cook bowl noodles, and he stopped eating after I cooked.”

“Why did your father hang himself?” I asked

“My father asked my mother for money, and the next day he hanged himself,” said the fool.

"Just because of this?"

The fool did not speak, and after eating the buns, he climbed up the ladder to the roof for a long time.

Aunt Zhang's husband I have not seen, neighbors say hanged. There has been a debate about where to hang it. My mom said the neighbors said they hanged themselves in the coal shed. My grandfather said, nonsense, you saw it with your own eyes? The coal shed isn't even tall enough for him to hang himself from? In my opinion, he was hanged from a jujube tree in his yard.

But no one is talking about why his father hanged himself. The reason is obvious, because of that stupid son. Son is a fool, when the father of irresponsible, choose to walk away.

I remember, Aunt Zhang also looked for a wife, do not love to talk. Aunt Zhang went to work during the day, Aunt Zhang's wife after sitting at the door, the fool squatting on the roof.


During that time, Aunt Zhang wore red clothes every day and laughed whenever she was around.A neighbor asked her what her wife was like, and Aunt Zhang said, "Not bad, not bad, knowing that it hurts people, I don't need to do any work at home."”

But Aunt Zhang's good life was not long, one day after lunch, I was jumping in the backyard with a fool, came a van, came down three men, two people, and a child, and took Aunt Zhang's stepwife away.

Aunt Zhang didn't stop and continued to clean up the dishes and chopsticks.Then he sat in the yard and kept staring at the jujube tree, staring blankly for a long time.

The last time I saw the fool was about the day we moved out. My parents finally saved enough money to buy a second-hand house. The house is the top floor, waterproof is not good, the corner has long hair, but the price is cheap, my father still bought down. I still remember the wall has a ring of wall, green, live in a few years, my parents painted the whole wall white, said now who also make wall.

The day I moved out, I went to say goodbye to the fool. The Fool is hiding in the coal shed, playing with the doll I gave him. The Fool also made it a dress, a red skirt.

“Do you like Red? Your mother has a red skirt, is your mother's young clothes, I see your mother always wear.” I said.

The Fool looked up and smiled at me.

“I'm moving away and won't be able to see you much,” I said.

The Fool looked up at me again, but there was no smile. He dragged me into the house and took a bottle of pesticide out of nowhere. He poured half a bowl of pesticide into the bowl and said, “This is my mother's cooking, you eat.”

I said, “I'm not eating. I have to go before my mom calls me.”

The fool shoved the ragdoll into me and said, "It eats."”


The fool said, “You throw it on the bed and take off its clothes.”

I took off the doll's skirt, and there was a one-piece jeans inside, which was sewn with the doll, and couldn't take it off.

The fool carried the rag doll, returned to the yard, picked up the shovel and dug the pit, and then threw the doll into it and buried it.

The fool said, “Do you know where she is?”

"In the soil." I say.

"What if your mother is looking for this rag doll?" The fool said.

"My mother doesn't look for it, don't worry, I haven't played for a long time."I said.

The fool said, "You remember telling your mother that it was hanged and hung in the coal shed."But you must not say that you fed it pesticides, no matter who asks, say that it is hanged.”

I haven't been back since, and every year my grandfather comes to stay in the building for two days during the New Year.After the New Year, my parents asked my father not to leave, so I stayed with my father.My grandfather couldn't live and said that the floor was too high and inconvenient.

When I was in middle school, I became obsessed with passing notes.Every day, while listening to the lecture, passing notes, passing them from the front to the back, and then passing them back, I was busy and happy.One day I received a special note asking me to meet at the playground after school, without a signature.

After school, I deliberately waited until everyone in the class was gone before walking to the playground.There were no people in the playground, only a few people were playing football, and the football was passing around, as if they were practicing ball.After a while, a chubby figure came from the direction of the teaching building, he was the boy in the last row of our class, and we usually didn't have much intersection.

The boy walked over slowly and said, “It's been a long time. I went to the toilet and got out late.”

We walked around the playground and neither of us spoke.



I said, “Who ended up with cedar cabbage?”

The boy said, "Domyoji." ”

” I said,” but the flowers are handsome, if I, I would choose flowers

The boy said, “You girls just like to be handsome and childish.”

I said, "What are you looking for me for? ”

The boy said, “Nothing else, I just want to tell you that I've seen you before. One day I went to pick up my grandfather and I saw you dancing with a fool. What's your relationship with him?”

I said, “Neighbor, my family used to live across the street from his, but they've moved out.”

The boy said, "Oh, I came out to you to say, I've seen you."”

I said, “That's it?”

The boy said, "Well, I'm going to transfer next semester to sports school."”


The boy said, “To pick up my grandfather. My grandfather moved out of the house for a while and said he wanted to partner up with someone. My father thought the old man so old age, but also toss out no tricks, did not care about him. Then my father asked around and found out that the old lady had a stupid son. Mental illness could be hereditary, you know.”

There are fewer and fewer people on the playground, only two people are left to pass the ball.One of them, the force was strong, the ball did not pass to the feet of the other person, slowly reeled to the feet of the boy, the boy kicked, kicked the ball back, just into the goal.

The boy continued, “They say the Fool's father hanged himself. I don't think so. My father went to the fool twice his home, but also ate their home jujube, my father said jujube is not good to eat, no flavor, like eating a piece of wood. My dad thought that even the jujube trees were not normal, so he thought of taking my grandpa back.”


Aunt Zhang stood at the door waiting for us. She was still wearing the red dress, but it was dirty and tattered. It was as loose as Aunt Zhang's skin, hanging on Aunt Zhang's body.

When Aunt Zhang saw us coming, she said cheerfully, “Yuan Yuan's grandfather is fine, but the old man's ears aren't working. I knocked on the door for a long time, but I didn't hear anything. The door just opened, and the old man still doesn't know me. He asked me who I am, What's the matter?”

My father said, “Please, sister Zhang, I go to pack things, pick up my father back.”

Aunt Zhang pulled me and said, “Yuan Yuan, you come to Aunt Zhang's house to sit for a few years, haven't seen. Aunt Zhang's home knot dates, you come to eat, very delicious.”

I followed Aunt Zhang to the courtyard and didn't see the fool."Aunt Zhang, what about a fool?" I asked.

Aunt Zhang did not speak, went to the yard to pick dates. In fact, there are no dates on the tree, aunt Zhang pulled are jujube leaves. After picking a few leaves, Aunt Zhang took out a leaf for me to eat.

I took the leaf, continue to ask, “Fool, Aunt Zhang.”

Aunt Zhang first looked up at the date tree and the coal shed, then slowly looked at me and said, “The fool died. Just two years after you moved away, just like his father, he hanged himself.”

"Hanged? Why? ”

Aunt Zhang mentioned the fool, her face expressionless, as if she was talking about someone else's business, "Who doesn't die?" All have to die.It's okay to die. ”


I followed Aunt Zhang to the coal shed, and in the pile of garbage next to the coal shed, there were rag dolls that the fool once buried in the soil.I remembered the day when a fool told me that whoever hanged, whoever asked, must say that he was hanged.