Reading today: Li Na, “Do your homework OR watch cartoons, face your child's choices with acceptance”
Through the teacher's words, between the lines let me experience a acceptance in the interaction with children presented the power.
(1) Mother and child
Mom: "You don't have much homework, hurry up and write, you can write it in more than half an hour, don't grind!" ”
The child slouched: “Mom, you give me some paper!”
Mother busy to take care of five months er bao, impatient: “You take it. Their own things to do!”
The child was reluctant to let his mother go, and asked: "Mom, tell me about this problem!" ”
Mom: “Didn't you go to school? Think about it! You have an exam next week, remember to recite the multiplication formula. No one told you at the exam!”
The mother hurried away, and the child was alone in his seat in a daze.
In fact, such a scene is too familiar, through this mother's words and actions, I seem to see myself.When I was raising Dabao, this was my classic interaction with my children, only cold homework and exams, only no love threats (no one told you about the exam), and I couldn't see my child's need for his mother's company.So saying that you love your child doesn't actually make your child feel your love.Love is not given. As moms, we are willing to love our children unconditionally and for no reason, but love requires a way.
(2) Teacher Li Na and children
The child was alone in his seat, and the child's aunt, Teacher Li Na, was the child
She patted the child's shoulder: "Child, look, my aunt also has homework, you do yours, I do mine, let's write together!" ”
The child nodded happily and looked down to write his homework.
Usually the child writes homework alone, writes homework for a while and watches cartoons for a while, the mother is busy in another room, there is no time to manage, the child's homework is procrastinating, and it always takes a long time to write.
Now, Miss Li Na
The child agreed.
Look, how cooperative, empathetic, and compassionate children are! After expressing his difficulties, how willing the child is to use his own strength to help adults! Children are loving.Here, the child receives a respect from his aunt, and also feels his good self-esteem, feels that he is powerful, and feels that he is important.
But, after all, children have a child's rhythm. After all, is a child, play, is a child's nature. After a while, and remember to open the computer to see cartoons, the teacher again weak, ask him to help, he is not willing.
When the child noticed the ring on his aunt's hand, the teacher creatively played the game of "hiding the ring" with the child.
When the child proposed to watch the cartoon again, the teacher made an appointment with the child in time: when the break was 12:30, he would watch an episode of cartoon.The two pulled hooks and stamped.
When the child repents, teacher
By 12:30 at lunch time, the teacher said to the family: Tsutsu really did not turn on the computer all morning, Tsutsu really did, great! The approved child smiled, his face glittering.
Yes, in the face of the child's repeated, the teacher is very respectful of the child's rhythm, not in accordance with adult standards to criticize and judge the child, but very smooth child, accompany him to experience a good feeling, good behavior ensues. In fact, these are children have something inside, but we adults“Can not see” and can not maintain humility in front of children, arrogant, self-righteous, the child's inner good quality suppressed. In the face of the rules, the teacher gently and firmly, to help the child to achieve compliance with the rules, coupled with timely and appropriate teacher's praise, the child's sense of self-worth has been stimulated, the whole face has issued a dazzling light, how the child's inner desire to“Do” ah! How healthy and powerful it would be for a child to grow up“To be seen, to be able to do”, if these experiences were to happen to him often!
(3) reading gains
The teacher's article made me understand:
1. Acceptance is the best nourishment for us to raise children and raise ourselves.Let us see and be seen, respected and respected, supported and supported, encouraged and encouraged.
2. Write down a few key words: see, feel, act, be vulnerable to“My message,” be gentle and firm in enforcing“The rules,” reward when appropriate, and be aware of yourself (parenting style, unconscious behavior style)
3. Carefully and repeatedly read and taste the dialogue and interaction between mother and child, teacher and child, reflect yourself with the teacher's sharing, and reflect on your words and deeds in life, which benefits a lot.This means putting into practice what you have learned in life, so as to internalize the knowledge shared by the teacher into your own body and become a part of your body, so that the learning is your own.Otherwise, today's harvest is just like a book on a shelf.
(4) Who is Teacher Li Na?
Li Na joined the Koto family club in July 2014, he is now an accepting parent-child tutor, a lighthouse family workshop instructor, a lighthouse family workshop supervisor, and a volunteer of the HAOTU lecturers' group.
I was fortunate to meet Teacher Li Na at the Taiyuan Lighthouse Home Public Welfare Workshop on November 20-21, 2018, it was very beautiful, it was that kind of grand beauty, very dazzling, and my eyes couldn't help but stay on her.That time, as the hatcher of Haotu Mentor Camp, Teacher Li Na hatched four baby chickens and generated four acceptance mentors: Yanli, Meiyu, Tuanli, and Yuyue, as a chicken mother, she made strong support for the four baby chickens! The teacher's speech on the stage at that time made me cry continuously, and that inner feeling is still fresh in my memory.